Try not to Laugh — Stand Up Comedy Script

Hi, My name is John Theron and I’m not Andrea the giant, Lurch, Herman Munster, Frankenstein, Chewbacca or Captain Spock but I’m here to make you laugh.

We have all become slaves to technology. We are all living in the matrix, where mobile phone controls us. If we lose our mobile phone we become like a cocaine junkie needs a fix of cocaine just like a dog jumping into snow field saying “ I can’t feel my face!”

Here are a few other classic jokes from the Theron comical archives…

These days there are more phones than there are humans. A lot of people carry two phones. The second one is to watch porn on.

Dating is very much like stand up comedy. It’s nervous at first. You may get rejected, and heckled, but after a while it becomes fun. Just like a woman riding a washing machine with no undies.

There is also a famous actress called “Charlize Theron” which I am not a relative of. But imagine if I was! How many gold diggers would I be meeting!

I would introduce myself as: Hi my name is John Theron, does it say: ”Billionaire!” tattooed on my forehead!

I am also 33 today. Man that went fast. 33 years on the planet trying to work out whom came first between the chicken and the egg. Then I realized it was neither, it was the…